Saturday, July 17, 2010

I'm home for the weekend, which mainly means an opportunity to commit any of the vices that I'd like. So happy about my breakfast of strawberries, when all I could think about was icecream and donuts and poptarts. Followed by exercise because at the time it felt like the most purposeful thing I could do. Though I still have summer assignments and hobbies and college-app-fluffing activities to do...

I loved seeing M yesterday. It was one of the rare times when kissing felt delicious, not just in its meaning but in its touch. I wish I could be held all the time--except, of course, when I do the shameful things that I do. I push people away at those times, and when I realize what I've put in jeopardy, it just serves to make me cut deeper.

I wish I didn't have to be so goddamn depressing, haha. It's just that as of late it's been hard to feel much of anything--I'm pretty sure I can blame the sertraline (Zoloft commonly, I think). A few weeks ago I tried to come off it but I went through a horrible withdrawal, like near-suicidal depression. Now my psychiatrist says I can't try it again until the end of next year...

But Gods how I want a high, a bit of hypomania. Care to share some Amp, anyone?


  1. I don't actually know what Amp is, but sure, why not, over the internet I am in.

    Don't worry about being depressing, I didn't think the post was that bad. Lord knows what my next post will read like. I can feel the anger bursting at my seams in anticipation

    Love x

  2. That sucks you had a withdrawal that intense, but it's a good thing nothing bad actually happened to you.
    Glad you had fun yesterday ;] Hope today goes well for you, take care,

  3. Amp is an energy drink XD Gods I'm so unhealthy...

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