I'm home for the weekend, which mainly means an opportunity to commit any of the vices that I'd like. So happy about my breakfast of strawberries, when all I could think about was icecream and donuts and poptarts. Followed by exercise because at the time it felt like the most purposeful thing I could do. Though I still have summer assignments and hobbies and college-app-fluffing activities to do...

I loved seeing M yesterday. It was one of the rare times when kissing felt delicious, not just in its meaning but in its touch. I wish I could be held all the time--except, of course, when I do the shameful things that I do. I push people away at those times, and when I realize what I've put in jeopardy, it just serves to make me cut deeper.

I wish I didn't have to be so goddamn depressing, haha. It's just that as of late it's been hard to feel much of anything--I'm pretty sure I can blame the sertraline (Zoloft commonly, I think). A few weeks ago I tried to come off it but I went through a horrible withdrawal, like near-suicidal depression. Now my psychiatrist says I can't try it again until the end of next year...

But Gods how I want a high, a bit of hypomania. Care to share some Amp, anyone?