Sunday, October 10, 2010

So I was looking at an assignment I was given in my Spanish class, meant to be in the style of a journal entry: What do you fear? And this got me thinking about things that I obviously couldn't write about for my Spanish homework. Because honestly, at this moment I can only think of one thing that I fear..
I'm not scared of heights or bugs or horror movies, nothing unfounded like that. I'm not even afraid of death or failure, not directly. I am worried, though, that I will use one to negate the other.

If I somehow teleported to the future and saw that I was alone, with a lousy job, and a chubby face, and an unfulfilling life, there would be almost no reason to stay on this Earth you know? I know that some of you would agree with me on this..

But what I'm really worried about is, what if I miscalculate? What if success and happiness was actually just around the corner? What if my vision continues to become distorted, and my life is just about perfect but I just cannot see it? What if my pupils grow wider as my hands grow thinner, what if the world becomes a fun house of mirrors and cackling laughter while i sink to my knees, nauseous, begging the spinning to stop
And it would be all in my head, and I would be finally blind.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. see that is just it, we don't know what the future holds, nobody does, and that is what makes it exciting, and scary at the same time. the fear of the unknown or the excitement of it all. depends on what way you want to look at it i guess.

  3. i agree with you, about seeing the future and having no reason to be here, but I don't think I could ever stop myself being here. I just couldn't, and probably for just the reasons you're saying. You never know what will come. One day you're happy the next sad, and I couldn't take that risk on happiness. It's too valuable.

    I think you're future will be bright, my dear. i really do.

    Perdita, xo

  4. this is wonderful.

    i think because your mind is complex to consider all of this, you will be okay.
    it is the ignorant that bad things happen too.