So it's in my genes, my very being, to live in this tortured way. It is not getting better. I am a defect on the assembly line, a kink in our DNA. This is not a problem, this is a condition. An incurable disease.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I am failing everything and everything is failing me
Malfunction on half a muffin and spiked diet coke is how I function yeah, in my melodramatic suicidal teenage haze they say. I want to survive and I don't. I have given up getting better. My grandfather, I have recently learned, had depression. The grumpy old man wasn't missed by my mother when he finally passed; I, however, gave myself the excuse to open the first bottle.
So it's in my genes, my very being, to live in this tortured way. It is not getting better. I am a defect on the assembly line, a kink in our DNA. This is not a problem, this is a condition. An incurable disease.
So it's in my genes, my very being, to live in this tortured way. It is not getting better. I am a defect on the assembly line, a kink in our DNA. This is not a problem, this is a condition. An incurable disease.
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i didnt realise this had been written while i was still commenting on the previous post...ah well, i hope you got it.
ReplyDeletemother dearest has depression. your right- it's faulty genes that screw us up. i hate her for giving birth to me; she was never in a state to bring up a child, and if i ever speak to her again i will be sure to tell her
(she has done many things to deserve it.)
lots of love x
no one in my family talks about things like that. everything is hushed up and kept secret, to save from embarrassment.
ReplyDeletei gave it up a long time ago too. it's manageable, i find. at least we have no other choice. beautiful picture. xx
ReplyDelete